Everyone wants to talk and be listened to but, very few of us focus on listening. Listening skill is very critical to every successful relationship.
The goal of every successful conversation or communication must be to COMMUNICATE and CONNECT with the other person.
According to Rachael N. Remen, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen.”
Listening is the hallmark of great couples and great leaders. To become a better spouse or leader, you must reduce talking and increase listening.
Listening is the most powerful form of knowledge. You must seek to understand others if you also desire to be understood.
Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening refers to understanding the content of the sound, it requires focus.
Listening requires that you focus on both what is said and how it is said; the use of both verbal and non-verbal messages.
Listening requires maximum attention on the speaker. One of the most important thing we can ever give to each other is our attention.
Types of listening
1. Discriminative listening:
The objective is to distinguish sound and to know who is talking but not what such is talking about. It is an inactive type of listening.
2. Comprehensive listening:
The objective is to know who is talking and what such is talking about, you seek to clarify and have mutual ‘understanding of the message’.
3. Active listening:
The objective is to go beyond ‘understanding the message’ to ‘connecting’ to the message and sympathizing with the speaker without much verbal response. You both listen for content and intent.
4. Critical listening:
The objective is to go beyond ‘understanding or connecting’, to critically ‘analysing or evaluating’ the message in order to give sound judgement, opinion or make sound decision.
5. Informative listening:
The objective is to ‘receive’ correct information without making any judgement or decision.
6. Appreciative listening:
The objective is simply to ‘enjoy’ what or who you are listening to.
7. Internal listening:
The objective is to ‘listen’ to your own inner voice and the thoughts in your mind.
8. Transformational listening:
The objective is to use what you are hearing to ‘find’ solution to a problem for an individual or group of people.
9. Ineffective Listening:
Artificial listening: They give an impression that they are listening but are far and disconnected from you.
10. Self-centred Listener:
They always switch the conversation from you to themselves.
11. Selective listening:
Their objective is to ‘Screen’ and ‘identify’ what you want to hear and not the entire message.
12. Insulated Listening:
They deliberately shut themselves out and disconnect from a conversation.
13. Defensive Listening:
They take others’ remarks as personal attacks.
14. Ambush Listening:
They listen carefully to you but only to collect information that they will later use to attack what you say.
15. Insensitive Listening:
They avoid and discontinue conversations that could make them ‘connect and sympathize’ with you
The Benefits Of Effective Listening:
“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” (Proverbs 17:28)
The key to effective “listening” is to have the INTENTION to listen.
Listening makes your partner feel important in the relationship.
Listening helps reduce resistance and opens our thinking to possible solutions.
Listening makes it possible for both sides in a conflict to have a change of heart
Other Benefits Of Effective Listening
1. It builds solid, intimate and lasting relationships
2. It leads you to gain knowledge and wisdom
3. It helps you to clarify doubts
4. It leads to quality decision making
5. It leads to better customer/spousal satisfaction,
6. It reduces mistakes and misunderstandings
7. It communicates respect and value.
8. It attracts recognition, rewards and respect.
Remember the following:
You are not inferior: you are not inferior for allowing someone else to talk while you listen.
You don’t know everything: someone knows something you don’t know therefore listen.
You don’t have all the facts: listening will provide a broader perspective to the matter.
You are not yet perfect: someone else can add value to your life.
You are not hearing everything: Watch out more for non-verbal messages as much as verbal messages.
STEP OUT AND STAND OUT!
In this year 2013:
- You will Experience Notable achievements.
- You will Create, Produce and Do Things that Stand Out.
- You will Make Unusual Impact In Your Sphere Of Influence.
- You will Step Into Your Defining Moment.
THIS IS THE TIME TO DO SOMETHING NOTABLE!
This is the Time To Make Your Life Count. You are not getting younger…
You Must Be Willing To Step out of the Ordinary Lifestyle in order to Pursue Your Extraordinary Dream.
You must be willing to Walk away from what is Common to Do something Uncommon.
Lauch out into the Deep, That’s where You will Find Divine Intervention.
Be willing to attempt The Impossible in 2013 because, That’s When You’ll See the Power of the Highest At Work to help You.
Let go of Fear and Get Rid Of People’s Opinion…
Take Off The Limits That You Have Put On Yourself And You Will See limitless possibilities…
To See What You Never Seen Before, You Must Be Willing To Do What You Have Never Done Before.
You can’t continue in your Old Ways or Old Lifestyle and Expect A New Outcome.
2013 Is The Year To Break Out Of Your Old Ways To Do Something Extraordinary With Your Life.
YOU WILL STAND OUT!
TAKE OFF THE LIMITS, BREAK NEW GROUNDS!
If you must see the kind of results that you have never seen before, you must be willing to do what you have never done before. You must be willing to step out of your ordinary lifestyle in order to pursue your extraordinary dream. Walk away from what is common in order to do something that is uncommon. Lauch out into the deep because, that’s where you will find divine intervention.
Take off the limits that you have put on yourself and you will see limitless possibilities. You can’t continue in your old ways and expect a new outcome.To reap the kind of harvest that you have never reaped before, you must be willing to sow the kind of seed that you have never sown before. To become exceptional in your career, you must be willing to step out of your comfort zone.
You Will Have Uncommon Results!
I Love You!
THERE IS BEAUTY IN YOUR FUTURE!
What you have lost cannot be compared with what you still have. Whatever walks out of your life cannot be compared with what’s coming in. You’ve got more in your future than in your past. Never make future conclusions based on past assumptions. Let go of the past, open your arms and your heart to welcome and embrace your future now. There is beauty in your future, you can’t give up now.
LOVE IS POWERED BY COMMITMENT!
The Law of Commitment states that: “What you don’t work on will never work out. If it has to work, it is up to you.” Love Functions By Commitment. Commitment is driven and sustained by sound Decision, dogged Determination, pure Devotion and consistent Dedication. What you will NOT do is as important as what you will do to make your marriage and relationship work. God can bring two people together into a marriage or relationship but, staying together will depend on the commitment of the parties in the relationship. What you don’t work on will not work out. If you must fall in love with anyone, be ready to get committed.
Happy Val To You All!
YOU ARE BORN TO LEAD!
The leadership failure in your community, city or nation is a pointer to the fact that, there is a leadership crisis and vacuum. It is very possible that, you are next in line to bring hope and change to that community. You are born to lead!
Purpose is always at the core of every leadership success; hence, it is the heart of everything you do in life. A clear understanding of your heartbeat is critical to defining your mission and clarifying your vision.
If you cannot crystallize and clearly articulate your vision in a compelling manner, you can’t motivate your community to action.
Clarity of Vision is critical to becoming an effective leader in this millennium. It is the capacity to comprehend and effectively communicate what you are seeing, and what you want to achieve as a leader, such that others are able to understand it. This is pivotal to the success of anyone who wants to be an effective leader in this 21st Century.
This Century will be the most demanding and dynamic century in the history of mankind. The advances we have made in the last millennium juxtaposed with the challenges we will face in this new millennium requires a paradigm shift amongst us – the emerging leaders of this century.
Paradigms are mental perceptions, ideas or mindsets that you hold in your minds and believe to be true. Once you accept them, they begin to control and influence your responses to the people (you relate with) and the situations you face in life. They act as filters through which you understand the world. They stimulate your thoughts and influence your actions and reactions. You need to go for superior information and get higher perspectives in order to rise above the prevailing limitations and situations of this century.
There is indeed a great demand for a new breed of leaders who will shift their thinking, change their leadership approach, function from a different leadership paradigm, and reposition the different spheres of influence in their nations. You are one of the emerging leaders that will bring the relevant answers to the cry of your community, church, city or country!
In his book, ‘Lead On’, Dr John Haggai, defined leadership as “the discipline of deliberately exerting special influence within a group to move it towards goals of beneficial permanence that fulfill the group’s real need.” The capacity to identify the real or felt needs of a group of people, and find ways to meeting those needs is critical to the success and relevance of every emerging leader in the 21st Century.
It is critical therefore for you to begin to prepare for the leadership assignment that has been prepared for you. It is always better to prepare for leadership responsibilities long before you have the opportunity to lead than to take on a leadership responsibility for which you have not been prepared.
Remember that, John Quincy Adam, the sixth President of the United States (from 1825 to 1829) once said that; “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” The ability or the capacity to influence a group of people positively in the direction toward achieving a clear objective is usually a proof that a leader lies within you.
If you have accepted the call to Lead or coach the next generation of leaders in this 21st Century, kindly get this book, THE EMERGING LEADER. My utmost desire is to use it – THE EMERGING LEADER to help you increase your effectiveness as a leader and inspire you to become relevant in this dynamic and demanding century.
Get your copy of THE EMERGING LEADER at my book stand. I will love to personally autograph your copy! You are an Exceptional Leader!
To get your copy, send your request to: email@example.com
Sam Oye: Author, THE EMERGING LEADER
You Can Break That Limitation!
You Are A Limit Breaker!
Life is a process. It is an interconnected series of trials and triumphs; it has never been fair to anyone. Battles and challenges are normal to our daily existence; no high flier has been spared from such. Everything that has value always comes with a cost or risk. Individuals that don’t take giant steps because of the fear of failure or mistake only take mere crumbs out of life. They earn no real substance from life: no medals, no enduring applause, nothing worth celebrating accrues to them eventually.
You can rise up and move on to the next level in your life – your business, career or ministry – if only you choose to do so. It’s high time you climb out of the pits of despondency, dejection, disappointments and defeats, and reach out maximally into your pre-ordained and pre-arranged position in destiny. You must never allow what stopped the previous generation to become your limitation. You are a Limit Breaker! You must shift your thinking; break the limits and break new grounds. If you ever think that you have tried all you could with no hope of trying again, I want to tell you a little secret: “There is still an option that you have not tried yet.”
Without controversy or contradiction, a poor mind definitely produces a poor life and, a weak mind produces a weak life. You are the product or outcome of your predominant thoughts. Your parents may have created your past but you are responsible for creating your future. It is very difficult and almost impossible to rise above the limits of your principal thoughts. The way you think about yourself controls how people perceive you?
An Excerpt My Latest Book: THE LIMIT BREAKER (By Sam Oye).
To get your copy, send your request to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Words are powerful. What comes out of your mouth does not leave your life. Whenever you open your mouth to speak, you are sowing seeds and scheduling seasons of harvest for yourself. Yesterday’s words have created today’s harvests and experiences. Today’s words will influence tomorrow’s harvest and experiences. Your words control the atmosphere around your life. The atmosphere around you decides who is attracted toward you. If you keep speaking poverty, lack, scarcity and sickness, that is what you will attract.
Stop speaking negatively to or about yourself. Capture a picture of your future and start speaking in alignment with your future. what has happened to you is not as important as what can happen to you. Your words can change your world. Speak your expectation into womb of every morning. Speak greatness to yourself. Never use your situation to talk to yourself because, what you continue to talk about will increase. Start addressing yourself the way you will want people to address you. Speak positively to your spouse, potential spouse or children. If you hate what are seeing, change what you are saying. Change your words, change your world!
You will Succeed Today. You will fulfill your destiny!
IF YOU LOVE IT, SHARE IT!
Why give up and quit just because your road is rough?The reality is that the path to greatness has never been smooth for anyone who got their first. The rough path is designed to process and prepare you for that which has been prepared for you. It is better to be slow, steady and SUCCEED than to be fast, fabulous and FAIL. Why stop and resign on life when your best days are still ahead? Your present condition is not a true reflection of your future destination or position. You must never mistake your actualities for your possibilities. Your best days are still ahead of you.
Why call yourself a failure just because you failed at some events? Failing doesn’t in anyway imply that you are a failure. It is just an opportunity to learn new lessons and acquire the kind of skills you need to advance in life. You can still bounce back after your setback. You are not a failure in life because you failed but because you decided to accept the event as your future.
Why give up on marriage and relationships because of someone or some people who hurt you? People come in different editions with different perspectives to life. It is therefore dangerous for you to make a general conclusion about men or women just because of the isolated case(s) of pain that you’ve experienced. You can still start all over again and take full control of the future of your life, marriage or relationship.
You will win. You will succeed. You will fulfill your destiny! See you at the top.
Get more inspiring and informative posts from SAM OYE by visiting: